A lot of things go through everyone's head. Whether they're good thoughts or bad, we have to live with them. Something very common in everyone's head would be the thought of re-doing something in their life. Either because they regret doing it, or just feel like they didn't do it right. Almost everyone wishes that they could change something they've done in their lives, and I can't blame them because I feel the same way too.
Out of everything that I've ever done in my sixteen years of life, I would have to say that the thing I would want to re-do the most would be a short time period of events that happened throughout seventh and eighth grade. Now, you may think that's a silly or petty thing to go back and re-do, but understand that everyone is different in what they regret in life.
During the end of my seventh grade year, I liked a boy very much, and so I decided to tell him that I liked him. That sounds pretty normal right? Wrong. The problem here was that the boy did not like me back, but instead lied to me that he did. I went on the whole summer thinking that this awesome boy liked me, and that was the first time that had really happened to me so I was ecstatic. That was, right up until his cousin told me that it was all a fluke.
I was so upset that I could be so gullible, and how I could let myself get lied to so easily. Not to mention that I was already extremely self-conscious in seventh grade, so this whole "relationship" made my whole situation worse. Anyways, in eighth grade I texted him one night and he was really upset and so he apologized sincerely about the whole situation. At the time I could've really cared less because I was still upset with him, but I told him that everything was fine between us.
Little did I know that this would be the budding of our friendship. We talked everyday and every night for as long as we were able to text. It felt amazing to actually be getting to know this boy that I felt like meant so much to me. Immediately I starting really liking him, but once again something got in the way. He started taking a liking to one of the girls in the grade below us. She was similar to him in a few ways, but I thought she was just annoying. Suddenly all of our conversations were about her, and what he could do to impress her, or what he thought about her. The whole thing was just annoying and it made me kind of mad. Overtime I accepted it a little bit that I didn't have a chance with him, ever. That still didn't make me feel better though.
I can't remember too clearly what had happened between the two of them, but they had a harsh break-up and he was extremely upset about it. I tried really hard to make him feel better, and pick him up to put him back on his feet, and it worked. It worked significantly well, because now I was the girl who had been rebounded. I'll admit that to an extent I knew that I was on the rebound, but I didn't want to accept it. The feeling inside that I got from him being sweet and friendly and calling each other cutesy names was overwhelming, and I liked it.
We even discussed dating because we actually thought that we liked each other. Well, he thought that he liked me at least, because I knew that I liked him. The tricky part was that he refused to lose me again after the situation that had happened the first time between us. I honestly didn't know how to feel about the whole thing. Here I was practically waiting for him to make the move, and he wouldn't budge. But then again, it could ruin everything that I had fought so hard for.
What happens next? Something else comes in-between us. I guess I could've seen it coming because he had been acting differently towards me for a few days, and now there was another girl that he liked. I didn't like her at all. Not only because she was annoying, but because she wasn't a very nice person at all. They talked for a short time but they never tried anything together because she was supposed to be moving to a different school for high school.
One thing was different about this time though. I wasn't there for him this time, in any sort of sense. I had had it with the games that we would play. Honestly it was ridiculous for me to continuously sit around and wait for a boy who was never going to "come around" to liking me. I didn't text him, I didn't speak to him, and I didn't even talk to him during school.
Instead, I branched off and became a whole new different person. I liked new people and everything. During ninth grade we didn't really talk at all, but this year has been different. We're both in tenth grade now and we're really great friends. Honestly I didn't expect us to ever get to a point like this with everything that had happened between us. Surprisingly though, we're kind of still in the same exact situation.
Underneath all the wraps I still like him in some sense. But it's very different, it's almost as if I love him as a I would a brother. Honestly though, I think the only reason I feel that way is because I know I'll never have a chance with him. Either way: I'm still his best friend, and I'll always be there for him no matter what. That will always be what it comes down to, and he's one of the best friends that I've ever had.
Therefore, in a sense I guess I'm kind of glad that all of that stuff happened between us in the early years. Mainly because it got us to the point we're at now: friendship and peacefulness. However, even though they got me to where I am today I always look back and think about what would've happened if I wouldn't have made all of those decisions. Honestly, I have no idea.
~Taylor
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